Admitting that you’re soft is a hard thing for a woman who walked through life being “tough” so that “no one would mess with me.”
Looking back, I’m not sure who I thought would mess with me but I definitely know where it was rooted. Being raised in a city like New Orleans teaches you early to stay on your guard. Being raised in a home with more tears than smiles will have you defending yourself from the world.
And so, that’s where I was.
In the words of Ms. Lauryn Hill, I was being a hard rock when inside I was a gem.
It took me years of being “strong”, angry, and not taking any sh*t before I finally burned out.
I meet so many women now who are tired of being the strong one all the time. Check the history. We’ve been holding society together, holding families and entire communities on our shoulders, feeling weak for asking for help, and lazy if we ever sit down and rest – for centuries.
That’s not what I wanted womanhood to be for me.
After becoming a mother I had to get real with myself and ask some real questions.
Like, how are you going to keep a family full when you’re running on empty?
How are you going to teach compassion, love, and emotional awareness when you won’t even let yourself cry?
When are you going to forgive your past so that you can really enjoy the life you’ve been given?
Is holding on to this hurt really helping you?
If I had a dollar for every woman I speak to now who can’t ask for help – not because she doesn’t want to, but simply because she doesn’t know how to admit that she needs it – I’d be a quick ten thousandaire.
Reclaiming my own femininity gave me purpose, harmony, and ease in my life. It gave me work to do to reintroduce women to their softer side and help them to know that it is a good thing. Really, a great thing.
One of the most important steps I took was to allow myself to be vulnerable. It took a lot out of me to admit that I was tired of being strong, and that being tough hadn’t really done me any good. While my tough exterior probably stopped phantom muggers from accosting me on the streets, it did nothing to stop the men that I let into my life from hurting me much deeper.
You see, we have this false assumption that being hard and guarded will protect our hearts – but it doesn’t. A hardened heart is much easier to break.
Reclaiming my femininity made room for healing.
From healing my womb by softening enough to forgive, to healing my relationships by admitting that yes, I needed and wanted a good man to love me, to healing as a mother – reclaiming my femininity made room for all of it. It helped me to realize that my original design, as an incubator for LIFE, would mean that no matter what seeds I allowed to take root inside of myself, they would flourish. That made me much more intentional about what and who I allowed in my space. Instead of being tough I learned how to be clear.
My journey has also made room for me to usher other women onto the road to restoration. As they say, healed women heal women.
Have you been able to reclaim your femininity? What have you learned in the process?
P.S. If reclaiming your femininity, creating healthy boundaries, and restoring your heart around relationships is important to you – let’s work together! I’m working side-by-side with 40 women in a powerful mastermind program this year to creae significant transformation in your journey through womanhood and positive relationships. Apply Now